Well the New Year is here, and, also, a new decade. It’s supposedly time for those resolutions many of us make to change or transform ourselves. A new year, a new beginning! Why not?
With absolutely no scientific evidence, most people I know, start off strong in January and then somehow hit a wall within a few weeks or a few months. Why is that? The very fact that so many of us make New Year’s resolutions suggests we believe there is something wrong with us … a flaw that needs to be vanquished starting immediately on January 2nd!
In my humble opinion, therein lies the reason so many of us fail to achieve our resolutions. The premise of many New Year’s resolutions are, we are ‘not good enough’ the way we are. It may be conscious but more likely it is subconscious. Most new year commitments are about improving our habits, such as: losing weight, exercising more, cutting back on alcohol, spending less money or not charging up the credit cards, improving communication with partners/family members, etc.
What we need to really resolve is what we deeply believe about ourselves that causes us to manifest and behave as we do. Addressing our unhealthy habits is fine, but we won’t get very far without becoming more conscious of what lies below the surface these patterns. For instance, if we don’t inherently believe we are good enough than stopping any of our flawed behaviors must be accompanied by releasing our old stories that cause us to feel this way.
In fact, without experiencing the feeling we cannot choose to let it go; or release it. Being unaware of our toxic beliefs is like throwing dirt on harmful chemicals and saying they are gone now. They are visibly gone, but invisibly, they are wreaking havoc under the ground, and that is what our toxic beliefs our doing to us internally.
Unfortunately, we have been taught quite well, how to cover up our ‘stuff’. Consequently, we feel shame and guilt if we expose our sense of inadequacy, our not feeling lovable or competent enough; or worse yet, not feeling our lives matter.
The only person we need to expose our self to, is our self! When we do that, we need to have self-compassion not self-judgment; we need to embrace our wholeness and when we do that, it is perfection … accepting and loving all of who we are. Whole is our only possible experience with perfection. It is the sum of our strengths and limitations that we accept and love. Otherwise, quite honestly, there is no such thing as perfection as a human characteristic. It is truly an illusion that comes with a high cost to our authenticity.
By the way, when we begin our shift internally, we don’t have to wait until the new year arrives. Everyday is a new day. Every day is a new beginning. We can begin any time we want. So, explore what is going on inside of you with an open mind, and more importantly, with an open heart. Slow your life down which won’t be easy in a world that is always running, so that you make time for self-awareness and self-acceptance.
Letting go is an inside job that begins and ends with you. You need to feel safe with you. Safe with living imperfectly, and safe with being vulnerable. Cultivating quiet time, realizing what you resist, discovering what role, confusion plays in preventing you from moving your stuck energy, these are the commitments we should be making to ourselves, and not necessarily on January 2nd. Remember, the Buddha’s words: “There is only one moment in time when it is essential to awaken. That moment is now.